Because that's what it's all about in the end — how to stay calm, peaceful and even joyful when it seems like the whole world is crashing in on you. This week brought resolution to two major issues in our lives — long term tenants moved into our island home (I am so happy to have an extended island family living there) and the Victorian house that Craig rehabbed finally sold after a year on the market. (We won't break out the champagne until escrow closes, but things are looking very good.) So there's an end to supporting three houses, which has been a major financial drain this past year, and even more importantly an end to the specter of foreclosure.
We still have one hurdle to cross, and that's obtaining a mortgage on the house that we are now living in. As I mentioned in the first Bindweed post, running the numbers does not look good. Things have changed dramatically since signing the agreement 15 months ago. It's very possible we will have to let go of this house, relinquish our investment in it, and look for a place to rent within the next few months.
With a Cap Sun, Taurus Moon and Taurus Rising, my security needs are very high. I want money in the bank and a warm, stable, secure home since it's my workplace as well as the house I live in. I don't like things to be up in the air. It distracts me from my work and from my play. I already gave nearly three months last year to sorting, purging and packing; and the thought of doing it all over again so soon makes me ill. (Of course it will be easier this time.)
So there have been times this week when I felt very much like the figure in the Bindweed card — unable to even rejoice that two major issues have been resolved because of the one major issue that still remains.
The focus on home and houses has also led me to muse on questions like: Where's my security anyway? What do I still have if I lose everything? (Questions I have pondered more than once this past year.)
And what I still have, of course, is: my friends and family and community, my creativity, my work, my passion, my connection to Spirit and to the natural world — all those things that make life worth living. All those inner things that survive no matter what happens in the outer world.
I appreciate all the thoughtful comments that were made about the Bindweed card. I meditated on each and every one of them. I suspect that Lisa is right — I need to get back to making art. And I will, once my commitments to current clients are met. And I have to wonder, with Teresa, if letting go of Rainbow Cottage will set me free in some way that I cannot envision right now.
Melissa, I am familiar with Byron Katie's "Work" although I have not practiced it. Thank you for the link to the video. It is one more part of the puzzle for me. Suzanne, I always appreciate your perspective. I have been focusing this week on the material world and not the world of Spirit, where all things are still malleable, and where peace and joy reside. Deb, love the process you describe, moving from disconnection to communion with Source.
A blog post by Mark Silver turned up in a Tweet this week and gave me much more food for thought: “Law” of Attraction… prepare to meet Ancient Sufi Teachings. Mark sums up the point of the post here:
"Get what I’m saying? Plenty of Love for everyone, but not plenty of Mercedes for everyone.
Creativity, ingenuity, and technology can go a long way towards more efficient, more equitable, and more sustainable use of resources. And, accepting limits is a part of being mature."
So. I am looking forward to "practicing what I preach" in terms of staying centered, peaceful and joyful even as Craig and I navigate the next patch of rough water. It will be interesting to see how the next chapter unfolds, and where we might be living come summertime. I am grateful for all of you, members of my blog family, for your encouragement and your perceptive comments. One couldn't wish for better companions on the journey.